


I Have Been a Wasted Land (You Made Me a Green Meadow Again)

by cricket_aria



Category: Star Control (Video Games)
Genre: Human accidentally proposes marriage to an alien and the alien goes with it, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:21:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24418804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cricket_aria/pseuds/cricket_aria
Summary: When a few members of the Vindicator's crew sneak a strange new alien creature onto the ship there's only one person Captain Zelnick can think to turn to for assistance.
Relationships: Captain/ZEX (Star Control)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6
Collections: Writing Rainbow Make Up Round





	I Have Been a Wasted Land (You Made Me a Green Meadow Again)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Alana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alana/gifts).



Captain Zelnick stared at the large lizard prowling around one of the Vindicator’s cargo holds while the three scouts who had brought it on board stood to the side, sheepishly avoiding looking his way. “You guys…" he started slowly, "You do know that ‘It followed me home’ isn’t an acceptable excuse for bringing previously undiscovered _predators_ onto the ship, don’t you?” At any other time he would have attempted to sound authoritative, always doing his best when one-on-one with his men to project a stern air to try to keep them from doubting his ability to command the ship at his young age (useless though it might be if they were ever on deck to see him praise, wheedle, or outright beg other races to try to form an alliance), but this time he couldn’t help but just sound completely baffled by their actions.

“We’re sorry, Captain, he’s just such a friendly pup,” one of the men offered up their defense, even as his face twisted with what Zelnick could only hope was embarrassment over what a ridiculous thing they’d done.

“It is a fish… lizard… _thing_ , Lieutenant Brackett, not a ‘pup’,” Zelnick said, though as he watched it snuffle at the edge of a tarp draped over a few boxes of supplies, the spines on its back seeming to perk up with interest, he could admit to himself that there was something strangely canine about its movements.

Brackett seemed to have been appointed the spokesperson for the group, because it was him who answered once more. “That might be true, Captain, but look! It has a hurt paw, we couldn’t just leave it to get attacked by bigger predators when it was following us around so sweetly!”

Zelnick sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes tightly shut, trying not to be swayed by the fact that it was indeed walking with a slight limp. “Remind me again, why was it following you around?”

“It just looked so skinny, how could we resist tossing it a ration or two? Hurt paw, Captain, we thought it must have trouble catching prey.”

For a long moment Zelnick remained silent, just trying to stamp down the headache the entire scenario was causing, then he finally straightened up with another sigh. “Alright. I’m not going to force you to throw the thing out the airlock into hyperspace, but it _can not_ remain on this ship. While it’s here anyone who cares for it will need to use the emergency decon shower on their way out, and you three will be _personally_ responsible for sanitizing this entire hold when it’s gone. As for what we’ll do with it…” The creature wandered up and sniffed at his fingers, staring up at him with its blank bulbous eyes as if it could recognize that it was being talked about, and he could almost understand the thought process that had brought it on board his ship when he felt the urge to scratch it around its head spikes. “Well, I’ll think of something.”

* * *

The thought he finally came up with found them entering the orbit of Alpha Cerenkov I a few days later, The Vindicator receiving a hail from the planet almost as soon as it was within range. “My dear sparsely-haired friend!” ZEX greeted him as soon as he accepted it, the words cooed out in a delighted tone that Zelnick was slowly growing to find less strange coming from a VUX’s proboscis. “I am, as ever, delighted to see you again, Captain. Have you brought the beast you promised me?”

“We haven’t tracked that one down just yet, ZEX,” Zelnick admitted. Truthfully he’d hardly even tried yet, there was always so much else to do and Tanaka could go a little while longer without the restoration of his species.

ZEX tittered, one tentacle brushing in front of his face in a way Zelnick suspected was meant to be coquettish, “Shall I take that to mean you’re simply here for the pleasure of my company, my comely human?”

“Uh, not just that, no. We found another beast while we were exploring that I thought you might like.”

“Really? Why, I am intrigued to see what creature you’d find unique enough to think of me! However…” ZEX’s tongue darted out, flicking across the control panel before him, and Zelnick thought it must contain ZEX’s communicator because in the Vindicator he could hear a faint slithering sound at the movement, “…we did have a deal, Captain. Don’t think you can convince me to give you my maidens for anything but my Beauty.”

“I wasn’t planning on asking you to,” Zelnick told him truthfully. He just wanted the creature in his hold gone, to someone who would take good care of it if Zelnick was accurately judging ZEX’s true affection for his menagerie. “We’ll send it straight over, no strings attached.”

On the screen ZEX went still for a moment, even the constant twisting of his head tendrils stopping, before he slowly said, “You’re simply giving it to me, dear Captain? Asking nothing in return?”

“I mean, take good care of him? But I figured you wouldn’t need to be told that.”

“I see, I see.” ZEX giggled softly, leaning closer to his camera, and even through the projector Zelnick felt his large eye fixed straight onto him, “Very well, my beloved human! I wholeheartedly accept your proposal!”

“Uh…” was the only response Zelnick could manage, his mouth dropping open.

“Oh yes, I know how you humans show the bony growths in your face to show delight, I’m glad to see you feel the same joy that fills me!”

Zelnick clicked his mouth shut quickly, hissing in a deep breath to try to clear his head. “ZEX. Could you, maybe, tell me just how I’m supposed to have proposed? And proposed _what_ , exactly?”

“Marriage, of course!” ZEX confirmed what Zelnick feared, “Giving a gift, requesting nothing in return, why, my darling stiff-limbed love, it’s a most ancient way of saying that what you wish for in return is your recipient’s hand!”

“You’ve _got_ to realize that wasn’t what I—”

“And of course, my darling,” ZEX cut him off before he could finish the thought, “Regardless of how they feel about my interests, you know that my people would consider it a horrific insult if you were to propose only to break the engagement. I’ve heard how terribly hard you’ve worked to heal past injuries between our peoples, it would be a shame if things deteriorated again so swiftly.”

Zelnick froze, the endless times that he’d begged forgiveness from the VUX running through his head in an instant. It had taken him _so long_ to receive their forgiveness, which might not have done much to soften their attitude towards humans but at least forced them to admit their own bigotry instead of acting like their belligerence was all the fault of one long-ago human. They would absolutely, _gleefully_ , use him as the source of a new Insult they could claim they would never forgive the entire human race for. “That would be terrible,” he agreed in a strangled tone, then drew himself up as he tried to think of any way to stall long enough to think of a real plan, “Of course, I couldn’t possibly be married without a long engagement first. A _long_ engagement. There’s too much occupying my time right now to focus on planning a wedding, what with fighting to save the human race and… stuff.”

ZEX chuckled again, but his voice was softer, warmer, when he replied, “Of course, my dearest Captain, I would gladly wait until you feel the time is right to join me at the, what is it that humans use again? Ah, the alter. Provided, of course, that that time comes.” His tongue flickered out again, and he stretched one tentacle out towards the camera in lazy invitation, “Why don’t you bring down this beast that you’ve found me yourself? I will show you my most affectionate hospitality, and I’m sure you’ll soon agree that it’s so much easier for fond feelings to grow when we’re face to face in person. I swear on my honor that no VUX on this planet will cause you harm.”

“Yeah, okay,” Zelnick agreed slowly. It would be easier to make ZEX decide that he didn’t actually want to do this if they met in the flesh, wouldn’t it? He’d quickly realize that humans were much more dull than he’d built them up to be in his mind, and Zelnick could play up the uncouthness and ignorance that he usually tried not to let anyone imagine in him as someone who grew up in a world hidden in the middle of nowhere. And he at least trusted that ZEX would do his best to make him happy while he was there, he didn’t think that he had anything to fear from this one VUX. “I’ll get it loaded up for transport and make my way down.”

* * *

Down on the planet ZEX closed his eyes and giggled softly to himself for a when the transmission cut out, but cut his glee short after a moment to say, “Yes, DAX, I can feel your glare. I assume you have thoughts on this turn?”

“You do realize that it’s only a matter of time before someone tells him that’s a _Druuge_ manner of proposal?”

“Then I’ll simply need to win his affections so fully before they do so that it no longer matters!” ZAX said with absolute certainty that he would succeed.

DAX twitched his proboscis slightly to the side in annoyance. “And in the meantime will we be preparing a cage to ensure he can’t escape your attempts to woo him?”

ZAX undulated his tentacle on the top of his control console thoughtfully then said, “No. No, still he needs to be free to find my Beauty. Besides, a happy marriage can hardly be based on imprisonment, yes?” He hummed with delight as he arose to go meet the transporter that would bring his beloved human to him, his heart light in a way it hadn’t been since before he was given his hero’s exile, adding on his way out the door, “Do have a little faith in me, DAX. I won the war for our people once, winning the heart of one human is certainly within my ability.”

**Author's Note:**

> In my mind they found [a varren](https://masseffect.fandom.com/wiki/Varren) that had somehow fumbled between universes, but you may imagine the fishy doggy lizard of your dreams as you prefer.


End file.
